Summer Photo Excursion #7

This was a good one.  Not every pictured turned out the way I want, but how often do we actually hit it on the button?

These were taken in Mount St. Patrick, ON.  I’d never been before, but I’ll definitely be back there.  Next time will be sunset and evening.  There’s some seriously cool things going on out there.

So, these photo excursions have been exactly what I hoped they’d be: therapy, vacations, and joy.  I have to say that really taking the time to shoot every weeks been like filling a Deep hole and is just such a pleasure.

Thanks for looking and reading,

Geoff

Summer Photo Excursion #5 or #6

So, a weekend jaunt through Kingston and a little side trip to a flea market in Morrisburg yielded some decent shots.  A huge thanks to the one who reminded me about the lost and abandoned places in our neck of the woods.

Unfortunately, two of the sites I wanted to shoot had been torn down, but there were some nice finds this time out.

Thanks for reading,

G.

Remic Rapids (Summer photo excursion #2)

So, there was no theme or unifying idea for this shoot, beyond the obvious subjects of the pictures themselves.

I love the freestanding structures at the rapids.  I have no idea how the artists put these together, I’m not sure I’d ever have that kind of patience.  Patience is not my strong suit, but I’m always working on it.  If I sit still too long, I usually just end up inside my own head, and while it’s a nice place to visit…

Shooting at the rapids, tonight, really helped keep me out of my head and really helped me to spend some time in a moment instead of looking at all the other moments going on or wondering what other people’s moments were like.  I guess there was a bit of a zen thing going on.

Usually, I enjoy the editing almost as much as I enjoy the shooting.  Not the case tonight.  The shooting far surpassed the editing this time.  The weather was perfect and the view was excellent.  That being said, I’ll come back to these pictures again and again and tweak and polish and see things from a different angle, so to speak, and edit some more.

G.

(The musical accompaniment tonight was Matthew Good – Live at Massey Hall.)

This is how it’s supposed to feel.

So, when I finished my door project, I felt like utter shit.  Nauseous and anxious and wrung out.  As I mentioned, I expected to feel amazing.  I know that I had nailed it and done exactly what I wanted to do.  I wanted the volume turned up on the world.  I wanted that feeling and it didn’t happen.

It’s art show day.  It’s been a week or two since I finished the door and this evening it will be up on a gallery wall.  Well, that feeling showed up.

I’m almost overwhelmed by it.  The art looks great, people are going to see it and I get to stand next to it and claim responsibility for it.  The things and people that inspired the project are already in my heart and mind, and that’s only jacked up today.  I want to love everything.  I almost skipped as I was walking in to work.

I’m going to have to do this again some time.

G.

What am I going to do?

So, it’s been a couple weeks since I found out that I’d be moving to a new school in September.  It’s caused a sort of slow-burn devastation for me.  No, it’s not the end of the world, and yes I will get over it, but it feels like shit.

The school I’m at has been mine for a little more than two school years.  I love it here.  I feel like I kind of own it.  I refer to them as my kids and my teachers.  I’ve watched certain kids evolve in this span of time, changing before my eyes and it is joyous.  I’ve watched some of my teachers do the same, adapting to the environments in their classrooms, just like the kids.  I’ve come to see my job as supporting the kids through their year and also supporting the teachers through theirs.  I fucking love it.

There’s been a lot of up and down for me these past weeks.  I started off accepting the news and was just comfortable with knowing that I still had a job.  Since then, I’ve really started to see more and more things that I am going to miss.  I’m seeing all the stuff that might happen with certain people next year and have to accept that I won’t be there to hold their hands or help them up when they stumble.  Some days I can accept it, but on others, I want to scream and rage that this is being taken away from me.

I have always led with my heart in almost everything that I do.  That might actually come as a surprise to some, but my emotions are always very close to the surface.  Through my career I’ve become very good at keeping a lid on them and using them almost as a tool.  There are things that I have seen and been a part of that break my heart wide open, so learning to keep a healthy distance or at least the illusion of it has been a matter of survival.  This is the first time, in a very long time that this has failed me.  I am torn wide open and feeling raw.

Many of the people I have worked have asked, several times, “what are we going to do without you?”  I love being appreciated for what I do, and I feel overwhelmingly appreciated at my school.  And though I know it will all work out and no one’s world is coming to an end, the question is “What am I going to do without you?”

As the year runs it’s course I find myself, almost desperately, clinging to the new and important relationships I have, and at the same time, part of me is trying to mourn the loss of those relationships.  I want it all and I can’t have it.  I want to change the circumstances and I can’t.

“What am I going to do without you?”