Dear smoking…

Fuck you. Seriously. You suck.

I really did think that we’d be together forever.  You used to be so wonderful.  We knew and hung out with the same people.  The cool people.  I think common interests and common friends is very important in a relationship.  Sure I knew that you were seeing other people all over the place, but I was oh so faithful to you.  Even when the others in my life would tell me that you were no good to me; no good for me, I stuck by you.  Committed.

Even when I started to notice the little things we notice, in a long term relationship.  Your breath wasn’t always that great.  You left traces of yourself everywhere, leaving me to clean up after you.  I never complained.  You’d always been with me, it seems, and I’d tough it out.  You always seemed to be costing me money along the way.  But that’s what you do in a relationship, right?  Sometimes things feel one sided but in the end they even out, don’t they?  I’ll admit that I rarely thought about what you were costing me, even when others made sure to point it out.

You became a firm and entrenched part of my life.  There was no aspect of my life that you didn’t enter and leave your mark on.  Now, there are so many things that bring you to mind.  I see you out there everyday, with whoever will pay attention to you.

What I need to know, is why you won’t leave me alone now?  It’s been three months.  Yeah, I know I saw you that one time, but New Year’s Eve is special.  Can’t you move on?  I’m trying to and you’re just making it so hard.  You make me angry, and guess what… even that makes me think of you.  You were always there for me when I was angry.  Who do I turn to now?

You need to stop calling me.  No more reminders of our time together.  We don’t hang out with the same people anymore.  I can even enjoy a cup of coffee without you; at least that’s what I tell myself.  Can’t you let me go?  The first two months apart were so much easier and now it’s getting harder because of your texts and calls.

Enough!  You are no good for me.  I have nothing left to give you and yet you still beg and plead.  In fact, I’m better than you and I don’t need you.  That’s what’s killing you, isn’t it?  Well fuck you.  We’re done.  And no, I don’t care what your doing when I’m not around.  Sure I’ve seen you going all Cougar on the teenagers at the mall.  Being with you makes them look so stupid, but they just don’t realize it yet.

I’m sorry.  That was harsh.  I don’t mean to be that way, but you’ve made this so hard (ha ha, yes that is what she said).  You are tired and old, like your jokes.  I enjoyed them back in the day, but no more.  I’ve grown up and I’m moving on.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to bring myself to take you number out of my cell, but I’m not going to call you anymore.



2 thoughts on “Dear smoking…

  1. I love this post! So well written and very funny. It’s a different way of looking at the relationship, but it works for me.
    I’m still smoking, along with Fitty (partner), and we “talk” about giving up all the time. So far, it’s just talk…
    I have no problem initially. I use patches and actually love the first 8 weeks or so. I get right up on my high horse and gallop around citing all the health benefits, whilst stuffing my gob with minute snacks like cashew nuts and grapes. (You can eat so much more when the snack is small!)
    About 3 months later I can’t do up my jeans, I’m off the patches and I’m still eating more than usual.
    15 kilo’s later and I’m unhappy.
    Start seeing “girlfriend who smokes” more frequently. Start offering to light her smoke. Start wondering if I could “just have one.”
    Go to a party. Fitty and I talk each other into buying a pack for the night.
    …..And so here we are again. 15kg’s lighter. Looking good. Spending our money on death. Telling ourselves we have plenty of time to give up!

    1. I’m glad you liked the post. I actually had a lot of fun writing it. What you say is very true, by the way. This recent attempt to quit petered out around the three month mark. It had already been getting harder by the day, but then I stepped on a scale. 20lbs extra in three months scared the hell out of me and gave the addict in me the perfect opportunity to reach for my smokes. Reasoning that I’d rather be coughing all the time instead of being fat 🙂

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