To the women who have been gracious enough to…. (part one)

You know who you are, but I’m not sure that I’ve thanked you properly.  Your contributions, sometimes small, have been greatly appreciated and have informed who I am today.  Some of you have had a profound, or at least a lasting, impact on me.  If I have forgotten you (unlikely) or don’t mention you, this is not an intended slight;  what you did was help to reinforce the lessons already learned, help to prepare me for the final exam, so to speak.  I’m not sure that men spend enough time thinking about how lucky they are to have ever found a woman/girl who was willing to kiss them, much less touch their penises.  I want to remedy that, in my own small (not really that small) way.

#1  You were my first real kiss.  You were my first several things actually, but that kiss… wow.  I don’t know if my recollection is coloured by time, but damn that was awesome.  We knew the kiss was going to happen and slipped away from the school dance and found a dark little corner.  It had everything; anticipation, excitement, fear and serious wood. Part way through the dance, when I realized that you’d totally be ok with kissing me, eager even, wood occurred.  I may have even stayed hard through the rest of the eighth grade.  That may not have been your fault, more probably that was because I was a boy in grade eight.  You didn’t laugh at me, when I broke that kiss to ask you what kind of toothpaste you use.  You answered (Aim) and then kept going after I admitted that I was a Crest man.  With that, you were my girlfriend for the rest of the school year.  You were the first girl I’d ever seen completely nude and the first to see me the same way.  You were fun and free and I always hope for a little of you in every woman I’ve been with since.  Thank you.

#2  We were barely together at all.  To be honest, you were my girlfriend because you were friends with the girl I was sure I was meant to be with.  Is that horrible?  A bit, but I’m sure that happens all the time.  You were no less important to my development though.  With you I learned that going down on a girl did not mean kissing her where there was pubic hair.  At the time it seemed like a great idea.  This seems very odd to me now, though.  I mean, at this point I had a passing familiarity with what women had “going on” down below.  There had been a number of opportunities for manual exploration.  Yet, for some reason, I was sure that simply kissing the mons pubis area was what I needed to do with my mouth.  In my favour, it was the late 80s and you were wearing the tightest pair of jean shorts imaginable.  I clearly remember not being able to pull them down much, so maybe I just decided to kiss what I could reach and hope for the best.  I learned that what I had been doing was clearly not how it was done.  Thank you.

#3  You were one of my best friends.  We were not dating, in fact you had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend.  We shared one kiss.  It was unexpected and a bit panicky when we noticed what was going on, but it was also, to my adolescent brain, amazing.  Neither of them were at the dance, so we went together. Clearly I had a huge crush on you.  Of course in grade 8, I think I had a crush on every girl who was willing to speak to me.  This was an important kiss though, here’s why.  From you I learned to pay attention.  To what? You ask.  Well, body language and nuance.  Why did we both lean in to kiss at about the same time?  Because we figured out that we wanted to.  Yes, we were dancing to a slow song, so there was the whole teenage boy and girl in close proximity thing.  But we were talking too.  It had something to do with how much we liked being friends and how important that was to us.  There was subtext there, unspoken stuff.  Thereafter I made sure to pay attention to the signals that fly around when it comes to guys and girls.  It was a great kiss too, so thank you.  (It was only marred by your panicked “Ohmygod! We shouldn’t have done that! I have a boyfriend!”  Still, awesome kiss.)

#4    To my best friend, at the time.  You were always who I’d wanted to be with, but being friends was pretty amazing too.  From you, I learned to pine from afar. I learned to hate every boyfriend you ever had and to be just a little unsatisfied with whoever I was dating.  You did walk around, in front of me, in your underwear once and that was fantastic, so thanks.

#5    You let me touch your boobs.  They were awesome.  We went on one actual date.  You lent me a mix tape that had Hotel California on it.  I only saw you a second time because you wanted your tape back.  With you I learned that begging will get you absolutely nowhere.  Thank you.

#6   I lost my virginity to you.  That’s not something I learned, so much as did.  With you I learned to apply some of the things I’d learned.  I learned that you can accomplish a lot with patience and some attention to detail (yes, “those” details.)  With you I learned or at least was able to see that guys and girls were both sexual beings and could both, not only enjoy sex, but crave it and experiment with it.  That was eye opening.  I loved our teenage attempts to please each other, and keep those lessons with me as well.  The actual viriginity losing part was kind of meh.  We kind of knew it was going to happen.  I wasn’t your first,and the whole thing didn’t seem all that big (shut up) to you.  If I’m being honest, I think you wanted it to happen, simply so that I could say I was no longer a virgin.  It was over way too quickly and was not at all as special as I’d hoped for.  You were kinda bossy about really.  However, from you I learned to take direction.  I also learned that sometimes he who hesitates, really is lost and that some times you just have to go for it.  Thank you.

This turned out to be very much about a lot of firsts.  Clearly there needs to be a part two.  Seriously, who doesn’t want to hear about my sex life?

Part two is here.

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