To the Women who Were Gracious Enough to… (part 2)

Part One is here


I left someone because you captured my attention.  You were hot and had this confidence that I’d never really seen in anyone before.  You were the first girl to have me spend the night.  That was a bit of a trip.

I was not the catch that you deserved.  You needed someone with a little more ambition than I had.  Someone who knew where they were going, because you definitely knew where you were going.  You had a plan.  That plan did not include the guy you were sleeping with, who drank all your coffee and had no money.  For some reason your parents loved me.  I’m still at a lose as to why.  They wanted you barefoot and pregnant and married.  You wanted to continue with school and get out into the world.

From you I learned a couple things:

  1. Sexual chemistry is not enough.  I wasn’t bringing anything else to the table, so we parted ways.
  2. I learned that there are things going on with boobs, that guys know nothing about.  You had small to average sized breasts, but wore two sports bras at all times.  You insisted that there be no movement at all as you moved around the world.  I should add that this was way difficult for a guy who’d only ever had to help remove the standard hook and eye closures.  I never understood it, but I’m, now, never surprised by what I find under clothing.


You were my first one night stand.  You were my first older woman.  I wish to god that I remembered your name; I do know that I could pick you out of a crowd though. You stand out among every other person I write about in this post and the previous post.

I was selling shoes in a store at St. Laurent and you worked at HMV (this is a movie and toy store that used to sell music).  You were one of the first women I knew who wore their interest and sexuality proudly; and when you were intimate, you committed your whole self to it.

So what did I learn from you?  Honestly, I learned several things that I have never forgotten.  How to explain this properly… After we were done, sitting/lounging together in those close, sweaty moments afterwards, kissing and holding and a little spent, you said to me, between kisses “I want you to do that again.” Kiss.  Caress. “This time, I want you to take your time, go slow.”  That blew my fucking mind.  You wanted to do it again?!  But then the real lesson sank in.  There was no hurry.  I knew that being inside you would be the end of me, so I had to figure how to not be inside you for as long as possible.  That meant figuring out what to do instead.  I fell back on previous lessons learned and decided that if I paid close attention to the details and to what you told be verbally and non-verbally, I’d be alright.

So to sum up:

  • There’s no hurry, we’ve got time.
  • pay attention to the details and explore.
  • do what I’m told

To be honest, you really had a lasting and incredible impact on me.  Thank you.


You taught me that some people just don’t want to hear jokes when they’re going down on you.  Thus the blow job ended and the relationship never started.


You taught me that I was better than him.  You and I were never anything more than good friends.  You were with my best friend, and I pined for you the entire time.  Years later, you told me that we would absolutely ben together if I’d even made the smallest move in that direction.  For a second, I was crazy mad when you told me that.  I’d missed out on that opportunity? But I didn’t know!

But then I realized that you were telling me that I was, and always had been better than him; when it came to girls, I had always held him up as what I thought they wanted.  It was a revelation that maybe, sometimes, I was what they’d want.  I’ve kept that lesson since then.


#10.5 (I can’t believe I didn’t add you to this article in the first place)

We spent a couple weeks together one summer.  You’ve managed to stay in my brain even after more than 20 years.  You were the first woman I’d know who was utterly comfortable with her physicality and with her own needs and desires.  The bulk of my experience, up to that point, had been (as younger me saw it: convincing someone that they also wanted to have sex), but you taught me that women/girls DO want to have sex and will even go out of their way to get it.  You were clear on what you wanted and how you wanted it, and this was an amazing revelation to me.  That and the fact that I was the means to that end. Pretty unforgettable two weeks.

(end update)


You and I were never a couple and it was never meant to be that.  We were friends and we managed to steal some amazing and intense moments together.  From you, I’d say that if I didn’t learn an actual lesson, I refined things already learned:  kiss how you want to be kissed.  Sort a sexual golden rule. It seemed to work and you’d mentioned the kissing on several occasions.  You reminded me of the difficulty in wanting what you can’t have, but also how much fun and intensity can come with that.

We were friends too though, and that can be fun and intense in it’s own way.  With you , I had to also learn to accept what is, and to cherish what I had and have.  The nice thing about friendship is that those moments aren’t stolen, they’re given.


You were unattainable.  That was my first thought when I saw you.  Out of my league.  I like to think that I remember all of that first time I saw you, but more likely, it’s a combination of the many times I saw you around the time that we met.  I’ll go to my grave, insisting that I remember exactly what you were wearing that first day:  Giant thick sweater, jean jacket, dark grey tights, ten hole Doc’s and a short as hell plaid skirt.

You taught me that punching above my weight class was ok and maybe even a good idea.  You taught me that getting drunk on our first date and then sloppily asking for a first kiss is totally not the way to go.

To be honest, if I listed all the things that I have learned from you, I don’t think I’d get much of a chance to stop writing.  I thank you every day.


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